Once upon a time...

Once upon a time, I believed in 'us'. I believed our friendship was everlasting. That our troubles were a thing of the past. I believed that nothing could tear us apart. Not after all that we had been through. We had proven them all wrong!! What an amazing feeling. 

We were living the dream. In my eyes, anyway. Beautiful children, a happy family, and each other. I looked forward to the moment that you would walk through the door every night. When we would finally get our time together. Rarely alone, but that's what happens when you have kids. It was okay though. Because you and I had enough passion to spread through a dozen relationships. 

I cherished our time together. Our silly debates with Google as our referee...debating the latest trial that I was following...or just laying together in silence. This was the highlight of my day. 

Then something changed. You didn't seem to cherish our time together nearly as much as I did. Your hobbies took over. I got lonely. It was heartbreaking when you chose to do your own thing instead of 'our' thing. I thought maybe it was stress. A phase...it would pass. It always did. Only this time it didn't.

You left. I fell apart. I spiraled so far that picking the pieces up seemed impossible. How could I let you go?  You were my family. Why would you leave?  All of this made me fall desperately out of control...

But now I'm stronger. You can only break me if I let you. And slowly, the control you have had for so long is dissipating. You said you didn't want me. I dwelled on this for so long. Tortured myself with why?!?!  But in the time that's passed I've realized that it's okay. You don't have to want me. I can easily find someone that does. As matter of fact, there ARE people that want me!!  And to think I've spent so many hours crying because you did not. 

It hasn't been easy. I'll give you that. What I thought was real, was really just a dream. I don't blame you. We want different things. I want to be happy. I want a family. And I've realized that I HAVE a family. My three perfect kids are my family. And being happy is a choice. I'm not sure what you want. But I wish you luck. I wish you happiness and love, if you want those things. You gave me our precious baby girl. I will always be grateful for what you've given me.  

But in the end, I will be okay. No one can break me. You taught me this. For that, I thank you.