Once upon a time...

Once upon a time, I believed in 'us'. I believed our friendship was everlasting. That our troubles were a thing of the past. I believed that nothing could tear us apart. Not after all that we had been through. We had proven them all wrong!! What an amazing feeling. 

We were living the dream. In my eyes, anyway. Beautiful children, a happy family, and each other. I looked forward to the moment that you would walk through the door every night. When we would finally get our time together. Rarely alone, but that's what happens when you have kids. It was okay though. Because you and I had enough passion to spread through a dozen relationships. 

I cherished our time together. Our silly debates with Google as our referee...debating the latest trial that I was following...or just laying together in silence. This was the highlight of my day. 

Then something changed. You didn't seem to cherish our time together nearly as much as I did. Your hobbies took over. I got lonely. It was heartbreaking when you chose to do your own thing instead of 'our' thing. I thought maybe it was stress. A phase...it would pass. It always did. Only this time it didn't.

You left. I fell apart. I spiraled so far that picking the pieces up seemed impossible. How could I let you go?  You were my family. Why would you leave?  All of this made me fall desperately out of control...

But now I'm stronger. You can only break me if I let you. And slowly, the control you have had for so long is dissipating. You said you didn't want me. I dwelled on this for so long. Tortured myself with why?!?!  But in the time that's passed I've realized that it's okay. You don't have to want me. I can easily find someone that does. As matter of fact, there ARE people that want me!!  And to think I've spent so many hours crying because you did not. 

It hasn't been easy. I'll give you that. What I thought was real, was really just a dream. I don't blame you. We want different things. I want to be happy. I want a family. And I've realized that I HAVE a family. My three perfect kids are my family. And being happy is a choice. I'm not sure what you want. But I wish you luck. I wish you happiness and love, if you want those things. You gave me our precious baby girl. I will always be grateful for what you've given me.  

But in the end, I will be okay. No one can break me. You taught me this. For that, I thank you. 

Just a rant.....

It has been a while since I have posted a blog.  Life has been insane lately.  I have not had time to do research on much and honestly, I have no idea what is going on in the legal community.  But today I feel the need to write.  

Last night, my ex husband's new 'girlfriend' decided to go off on my ten year old son on Skype.   Yes, you heard it right.  This nasty beast actually had the nerve to talk trash about me to my child.  It is a sad thing because now my son, understandably, wants nothing to do with his dad. A man that I have defended for years to his kids when he has never done anything for them.  Today he gets $1000 in unemployment and  he offered to send a whopping $50!!!  This from a man who has never paid child support.  I mean, sure....he used to occasionally send some money.  'When he could', anyway.  Never in his childrens life has he provided for them or even gone out of his way to show that he cares about them. No birthday cards, no calls, nothing.  What makes me sad is that they are now starting to realize it.  

My daughter was so disgusted by him last  night.  She wanted to join a club and go to Math and Science night at the school.  He promised two weeks ago that today he would help out with money.  I just started working and simply do not have the money to spend.  I am very lucky to have such understanding kids.  But they do not understand why their daddy no longer cares about them.  And I am done defending him.  He can continue to live his miserable life with someone elses kids (who hate him).  Some day, he will regret abandoning his children and then it will be far too late for him to show them that he cares.  

I will never understand how any parent can simply abandon their children.  I couldn't live without mine. If I had to be away from them for any amount of time, it would break my heart. Yet this man has not seen his kids in well over a year.  When we first separated in 2008, he actually had the nerve to tell me that the kids and I were a 'package deal'.  Really?  So, if we are not together, your kids do not matter?  He proved me right.  

I do not know how a person like this sleeps at night.  The saddest thing is that I was always his friend. Once he ran off with his best friends wife, and she decided to get involved in our relationship, that was the end for a long time.  I found out so many despicable things that he did, yet I forgave him.  I refuse to post even half of the things he has done on here, however, his girlfriend is married to his (ex) best friend.  The man who let him move into his home when he had nowhere to go.  Not even money to eat.  How does he repay him?  By running off with his wife and kids.  Not the first time he slept with a married women.  Yet, I stayed friends with him.  I figured this would be best for our children.  Seeing us getting along was so good for them.  Unfortunately, he is no man.  He allowed his white trash girlfriend to get involved yet AGAIN.  I am DONE with this dead beat.  Even his own kids have had it!!!  My ten year old turned his skype account off so that daddy cant reach him.  It breaks my heart.  The kids were so upset last night that they went to bed before 8:00pm!!!  

One day he will realize what he gave up for a women (and I use that word loosely) who will cheat on him, and eventually leave him.  Meanwhile, he will buy HER kids Halloween costumes.  He will support HER drug habit, along with his.  But he will do NOTHING for his own children.  

It is hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that he is such a disgrace for a parent.  To all you women out there that have baby daddy's that actually CARE about their kids, count your blessings.  I would never want a man that has children that he does not support.  Why would ANY women want a man like that??  That is not a women.  That is a pig.  

END RANT