New Year, New You?

Here we are, on the eve of yet another new year. As tradition goes, we all make resolutions to better ourselves in the coming year. Some of us make the same resolution every single year!!  We have the usual; lose weight, quit smoking, exercise more, get organized, stop screwing our boss..... the list of empty resolutions is endless.  A lot of times, we break them before February, and that's stretching it!!!  It leaves us feeling low and a lot of times, completely throwing in the towel. The mentality is, hell, I already broke my resolutions, why stop now?  Better luck next year.

Here are a few tips that I have to help keep those resolutions. Face it, achieving a goal feels good and can lead you to set higher goals. First, be realistic. Its one thing to say 'I'm gonna lose weight this year' and expecting to go from a size 14 to a 6.  Keep your goals realistic. Results are never instantaneous.  Second, if you fall off the bandwagon, don't make that the end!!  So you cave and buy a pack of smokes.  Then you figure, well I just paid $7 for these, it would be silly to waste them. Before you know it you're smoking two packs a day again.  Another broken resolution.  Instead, if you do break down and buy that $7 pack of smokes, think of it this way. Once the guilt kicks in, instead of feeling like you've already failed, so why not go all the way, think of the HUNDREDS of dollars you'd save if you stuck to your resolution. Screw it, toss that $7 pack of smokes AWAY!!!  Third, don't compare yourselves to others. Everyone likes to make themselves look like they have it all under control, checking in at the gym daily and posting photos of beautiful, healthy meals they've made for their perfect families. Remember that when it comes to social media, even the hottest mess could look like they have it all under control. People put up only what they want you to see. And thankfully so.  Who wants to go onto Facebook to read about how miserable your life is??  I know everyone has that one person on their list that loves to throw pity parties. And isn't it the most annoying thing ever??  Luckily, most of us don't post all of our woe as me's for the world to know about. Don't compare yourself to everyone else's perfect life because guess what..... their lives are not perfect.

As for myself, I've made a list of goals that I hope to achieve.  Not necessarily all in the next year. But making them goals instead of resolutions seems easier to tackle. Wishing you all a happy, healthy new year filled with family, friends and love 🎆🎆🎆

Jahi McMath

 

Jahi McMath is a thirteen year old girl.  I'm sure you've all heard of her by now.  On December 9, 2013, she went in for a routine tonsillectomy surgery. Shorty after, she began bleeding from the mouth and nose. She ended up going into cardiac arrest and was ultimately declared brain dead.

So begins the saga of the McMath nightmare. First, there's the fact that the young girl had made ominous comments claiming that she didn't want the surgery because she was afraid that she 'wouldn't wake up'. I can not imagine the guilt this family feels when they remember those prophetic words. The family, ridden by grief and guilt, during a season of celebration and joy, refuse to accept that the child is dead. So far, the girl has escaped her death sentence, with the family going to court and filing motions to keep the doctors that cost the child her life, from taking her off of life support. The first order gave them until after Christmas. Today, at 5:00 pm (8:00pm ET) Jahi was to be disconnected from the machines that are keeping her blood flowing, her heart beating, and her body warm to the touch. All things that her mother says proves her baby is alive, despite countless tests pointing to the contrary. She claims that Jahi moves and responds to her voice. Doctors claim that this is a normal reaction when a person is on life support and is not a sign of life.

The court has given the family until January 7, 2014 at 5:00pm to either find another facility willing to take Jahi in, or removing her from life support.  The debate here has become whether it is the hospital or the parent that should decide when a child is to be removed from the machines that are giving them life.  Imagine someone telling you the exact day and time that your baby will be taken from you. After all, this is a mother that whole heartedly believes her daughter is still alive.

This story is so tragic. How do you tell a mother that her baby is dead after a routine procedure?  I was one of the people that prayed that they would keep little Jahi on life support until after the holiday. I prayed for a Christmas miracle. Unfortunately, one never came. Being an outsider, I clearly understand that Jahi has passed. As a grieving family member, clinging to any and all hope, I'm not sure I'd see it the same way, however.

I'm not sure what the outcome is going to be here but one thing is certain, this poor family has got a long, hard road ahead of them. They are currently raising money to have Jahi moved to a different facility (no word yet if one will even accept her). If you want to help, you can find them on GoFundMe.com.   I will see if I can find a link to it.

What do you think should happen here?  Who should have the final say on when Jahi is taken off of life support? 

Please pray for this family and hold your babies close.

http://www.foxnews.com/health/2013/12/30/family-california-teen-declared-brain-dead-says-ny-facility-is-last-last-hope/

http://www.washingtonpost.com/national/jahi-mcmath-could-be-removed-from-life-support-despite-familys-wishes/2013/12/30/41f122f4-7191-11e3-8def-a33011492df2_story.html

http://usnews.nbcnews.com/_news/2013/12/29/22095281-jahi-mcmath-new-york-facility-is-last-hope-for-girl-declared-brain-dead-family-say?lite

http://www.gofundme.com/Jahi-Mcmath

mistakes

Everybody makes mistakes. That is a fact that most of us have come to terms with. We forgive mistakes made by our loved ones regularly.  Most mistakes being simple and of little consequence, are simply forgotten. Like taking out the garbage on trash night. Or forgetting to get their favorite ice cream while grocery shopping..... Simple mistakes made every day by just about all of us.

Then there are bigger mistakes. Mistakes that can tear apart marriages, sever families, and shatter a childs innocence. Mistakes like cheating on your spouse, losing a job that you need to support your family, gambling away your families savings.... the list is endless. Its these mistakes that are so much harder to forgive. We wonder why we should consider the perpetrators feelings, when they obviously didn't consider ours. Pain, disappointment, and simple revenge take over. That's how we're wired, after all. 

Suddenly, after a 'big' mistake, all of the persons 'simple' mistakes seem major all in themselves. Like the husband who gets caught cheating.  Well, no wonder he forgot to take out the trash... he was too busy worrying about someone else.  And the ice cream?  Well he was probably too distracted talking to HER. 

This is what ruins marriages, what severs family ties and ultimately hurts the most innocent of them all; our children.

I've put together a list of things that I believe can help after a 'major' mistake has come out.  If you have recently made a mistake that could alter your future, or even if you know someone who has made a mistake, these tips, while not always easy, can help save a family or friendship.

• Always be honest when confronted. Chances are, the person asking already knows the truth and is just waiting to hear it from you. And as painful as it may be, dealing with the pain is far easier then dealing with the rage of being lied to after the fact.

• As hard as it may be, try and remember why you love this person. I know its hard amen you're in the moment and really just want to hurt them.  But if possible, try and realize that you will most likely end up regretting the pin you cause out of spite later.

• REMEMBER... EVERYONE MAKES MISTAKES. We are all human. Try and think of the last time YOU made a mistake and were forgiving.

•. If you are the maker of the mistake, give people time.  As much as thru need. Realize that you have cause unnecessary pain to people who care about you and give them time. While doing this, lay low. Don't go out drinking and posting Facebook updates from bars. If you really want to be forgiving, act like it. 

If you're lucky and have people that love you, this too shall pass.

lonely......

How is it possible to be surrounded by people and still feel lonely? How can you have beautiful, loving children and still feel lonely? This is a hard question to a person living it.
I am a single mom. I have the greatest kids in the world. I count my blessings daily.  Yet, I crave the closeness of an adult. Someone to lay next to at night and tell about my day. Someone to laugh with and just be with.
I can't tell people that I'm lonely.  They look at me like I'm a horrible mother. But the truth is that I spend all of my time with my kids. I wouldn't trade that for the world. But once the kids are in bed, I crave adult companionship.
I remember when I had that. I was so happy. I thought that was what life was supposed to be like. I've given up hope for normalcy, however. To me, my normal is my kids. They make me happy. They make me smile. They give me a reason to live. But there is still that emptiness inside that feels like it will never be filled.
I refuse to allow it to consume me and I will not seek to fill it with empty relationships.  I believe that one day, I will find happiness. I will find my prince charming that wants to be with me. Until then, I will enjoy my time with my babies, who grow more and more every day. I will cherish every moment that I have with them and I will swallow the lump in my throat and fight on. Because what else can I do? 

Once upon a time...

Once upon a time, I believed in 'us'. I believed our friendship was everlasting. That our troubles were a thing of the past. I believed that nothing could tear us apart. Not after all that we had been through. We had proven them all wrong!! What an amazing feeling. 

We were living the dream. In my eyes, anyway. Beautiful children, a happy family, and each other. I looked forward to the moment that you would walk through the door every night. When we would finally get our time together. Rarely alone, but that's what happens when you have kids. It was okay though. Because you and I had enough passion to spread through a dozen relationships. 

I cherished our time together. Our silly debates with Google as our referee...debating the latest trial that I was following...or just laying together in silence. This was the highlight of my day. 

Then something changed. You didn't seem to cherish our time together nearly as much as I did. Your hobbies took over. I got lonely. It was heartbreaking when you chose to do your own thing instead of 'our' thing. I thought maybe it was stress. A phase...it would pass. It always did. Only this time it didn't.

You left. I fell apart. I spiraled so far that picking the pieces up seemed impossible. How could I let you go?  You were my family. Why would you leave?  All of this made me fall desperately out of control...

But now I'm stronger. You can only break me if I let you. And slowly, the control you have had for so long is dissipating. You said you didn't want me. I dwelled on this for so long. Tortured myself with why?!?!  But in the time that's passed I've realized that it's okay. You don't have to want me. I can easily find someone that does. As matter of fact, there ARE people that want me!!  And to think I've spent so many hours crying because you did not. 

It hasn't been easy. I'll give you that. What I thought was real, was really just a dream. I don't blame you. We want different things. I want to be happy. I want a family. And I've realized that I HAVE a family. My three perfect kids are my family. And being happy is a choice. I'm not sure what you want. But I wish you luck. I wish you happiness and love, if you want those things. You gave me our precious baby girl. I will always be grateful for what you've given me.  

But in the end, I will be okay. No one can break me. You taught me this. For that, I thank you. 

Just a rant.....

It has been a while since I have posted a blog.  Life has been insane lately.  I have not had time to do research on much and honestly, I have no idea what is going on in the legal community.  But today I feel the need to write.  

Last night, my ex husband's new 'girlfriend' decided to go off on my ten year old son on Skype.   Yes, you heard it right.  This nasty beast actually had the nerve to talk trash about me to my child.  It is a sad thing because now my son, understandably, wants nothing to do with his dad. A man that I have defended for years to his kids when he has never done anything for them.  Today he gets $1000 in unemployment and  he offered to send a whopping $50!!!  This from a man who has never paid child support.  I mean, sure....he used to occasionally send some money.  'When he could', anyway.  Never in his childrens life has he provided for them or even gone out of his way to show that he cares about them. No birthday cards, no calls, nothing.  What makes me sad is that they are now starting to realize it.  

My daughter was so disgusted by him last  night.  She wanted to join a club and go to Math and Science night at the school.  He promised two weeks ago that today he would help out with money.  I just started working and simply do not have the money to spend.  I am very lucky to have such understanding kids.  But they do not understand why their daddy no longer cares about them.  And I am done defending him.  He can continue to live his miserable life with someone elses kids (who hate him).  Some day, he will regret abandoning his children and then it will be far too late for him to show them that he cares.  

I will never understand how any parent can simply abandon their children.  I couldn't live without mine. If I had to be away from them for any amount of time, it would break my heart. Yet this man has not seen his kids in well over a year.  When we first separated in 2008, he actually had the nerve to tell me that the kids and I were a 'package deal'.  Really?  So, if we are not together, your kids do not matter?  He proved me right.  

I do not know how a person like this sleeps at night.  The saddest thing is that I was always his friend. Once he ran off with his best friends wife, and she decided to get involved in our relationship, that was the end for a long time.  I found out so many despicable things that he did, yet I forgave him.  I refuse to post even half of the things he has done on here, however, his girlfriend is married to his (ex) best friend.  The man who let him move into his home when he had nowhere to go.  Not even money to eat.  How does he repay him?  By running off with his wife and kids.  Not the first time he slept with a married women.  Yet, I stayed friends with him.  I figured this would be best for our children.  Seeing us getting along was so good for them.  Unfortunately, he is no man.  He allowed his white trash girlfriend to get involved yet AGAIN.  I am DONE with this dead beat.  Even his own kids have had it!!!  My ten year old turned his skype account off so that daddy cant reach him.  It breaks my heart.  The kids were so upset last night that they went to bed before 8:00pm!!!  

One day he will realize what he gave up for a women (and I use that word loosely) who will cheat on him, and eventually leave him.  Meanwhile, he will buy HER kids Halloween costumes.  He will support HER drug habit, along with his.  But he will do NOTHING for his own children.  

It is hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that he is such a disgrace for a parent.  To all you women out there that have baby daddy's that actually CARE about their kids, count your blessings.  I would never want a man that has children that he does not support.  Why would ANY women want a man like that??  That is not a women.  That is a pig.  

END RANT

The Sanctity of Marriage

The Sanctity of Marriage













Years ago, marriage was a sacred sacrament. Divorce was not an easy way out. The concept of a divorce was often looked down upon. Somewhere along the way, the commitment and bond created in marriage became unimportant. Divorce became the norm. Most marriages these days end in divorce, usually before reaching their seventh year. When did this start? When did people stop believing that making a promise in God’s name was something that should be sacred and protected? Too often people choose to give up and walk away as soon as things start to get hard. The fact is that with or without the person that you promised to love and stand by for the rest of your days, life will always have its ups and downs. Walking away may seem like the easiest thing to do at that moment. But is that love? Real love doesn’t end. It doesn’t just stop or go away. When love is real, it is permanent. It happens in stages. New love is exciting and fun. It is easy to think you are in love when you are just getting to know someone. After time, emotions level out and you become comfortable with one another. This is when often times, people realize that what they believed to be love was actually just physical attraction, friendship, or simply just fun. It is sad that the institution of marriage has become something that can so easily be disposed of.



Love is a complicated thing. Saying ‘I love you’ is such an easy thing to say to someone. Anyone can say simple words. The complicated part is proving that love. How do you prove to someone that you love them? In fact, how do people even know for sure that what they are feeling is really love? Many times it is actually lust, excitement or just simply the idea of being in love. New love is easy. Showing someone what they truly mean to you is something that takes time and effort.



So what is true love? In my opinion, true love is knowing someone, inside and out. Knowing that no one is perfect, but loving them despite their flaws or imperfections. It is standing by that person, through good times and bad. It is being a friend, not just a lover. Someone that you can share all of your secrets with, your hopes and dreams, your goals, your fears. It is wanting only happiness for that person, despite what that happiness may do to you. When you love someone, that person becomes more important to you then anything else in your life. The lucky ones make it through the hard stage in relationships, when the excitement wears off and reality sets in. Life happens, money issues begin, simple disagreements happen. It could be anything these days that separates the unity of a marriage.


After separating from my husband of over a decade, I never thought to look for love again. It can be devastating to watch all of that time invested in a person just vanish. I am just now starting to believe that real love does exist. I know that no relationship is ever easy. Anytime you are close to a person, regardless of whom it may be, there are bound to be disagreements, arguments and rough times. It is the way that you handle those issues that makes the difference and determines the outcome of a relationship.


To make a relationship work, it is important to always remember why you fell in love with that person in the first place. You have to be best friends, share the same goals and want only the best for each other. It is imperative that you stand by your loved one in times of hardships. Too often it becomes a blame game. Love turns to resentment. Words are used as weapons that leave wounds that do not heal. True love is forgiveness, understanding, patience and caring. It is wanting the person that you care about to be happy. Showing them that you will always be there for them, regardless of the opinions or advice of people on the outside of the relationship. It is knowing one another’s fears and doing your best to protect them. Taking the time to show, without words, how much you care. Being on their side at all times, regardless of the situation. When you are in a relationship, the only way to make it successful is to show that you care, not only when you need to, but every day. Not just by words but through actions. It’s never saying hurtful words that can not be taken back. Loyalty and trust are two of the main aspects of true love. Not wanting to hurt the person that you love….never betraying that love. Never putting another person, or allowing another person to come between you and your partner.

I am once again starting to believe in love. I think that it is possible. It’s not easy, not always fun, complicated and painful at times, but nothing is more powerful. Nothing is more rewarding. I want real love. I want someone that can be my lover, my best friend, my biggest ally, the reason I rush home, the person I trust with everything that I hold dear. Wanting to be with that person always and missing them when they are not around. It’s doing little things to remind them that you care about them. Not keeping secrets, because if you are with your best friend, the only secrets that you should have should be the ones that you share with each other. It’s knowing that no matter how hard times may get, you will always be there to hold that persons hand, to listen to them, to assure them that everything will be okay and that they are not alone. Most importantly, it is meaning all of those things.


Love is not always easy. Many people never even get to experience true love. The ones that do are the ones that make it. True love is never walking away. It is patience and understanding. It is putting someone else’s wants, needs, and feelings before your own. And while it may not be easy, nothing is more beautiful then two people who fight for their love. Two people who are a team, a team that no one could come between. It is going to bed every night knowing that no matter what tomorrow brings, you have someone by your side that would do anything to protect you.


Love is the most powerful emotion a human being can feel. It is beautiful, scary, painful, exciting, pure, and should always be unconditional. If you are lucky enough to find that person that loves you, and that you love, then it is worth fighting for. It is worth the pain. It is the road to ever lasting happiness.